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Pirelli’s Miracle Elixir
Autor: Stephen Sondheim



Tobias
Ladies and gentlemen!
May I have your attention, perlease?
Do you wake every morning in shame and despair
To discover your pillow is covered with hair
Wot ought not to be there?


Well, ladies and gentlemen,
From now on you can waken at ease.
You need never again have a worry or care,
I will show you a miracle marvelous rare.
Gentlemen, you are about to see
Something wot rose from the dead-
On the top of my head!


‘Twas Pirelli’s
Miracle Elixir,
That’s wot did the trick, sir,
True, sir, true.
Was it quick, sir?
Did it in a tick, sir,
Just like an elixir
Ought to do!


How about a bottle, mister?
Only costs a penny, guaranteed.
Does Pirelli’s
Stimulate the growth, sir?
You can have my oath, sir,
‘Tis unique.
Rub a minute-
Stimulatin’, i’n’ it?
Soon you’ll have to thin it
Once a week!


Todd
Pardon me, ma’am, what’s that awful stench?
Must be standing near an open trench!


Mrs. Lovett
Are we standing near an open trench?
Pardon me, sir, what’s that awful stench?


Tobias
Buy Pirelli’s
Miracle Elixir:
Anything wot’s slick, sir,
Soon sprouts curls.
Try Pirelli’s!
When they see how thick, sir,
You can have your pick, sir,
Of the girls!
Wanna buy a bottle, missus?

Todd	Mrs.Lovett
What is this?	What is this?
Smells like piss.	Smells like –phew!
Looks lie piss.	Wouldn’t touch it if I was you, dear.
This is piss. Piss with ink.

Tobias
Let Pirelli’s
Miracle Elixir
Activate your roots, sir-


Todd
Keep it off your boots, sir-
Eats right through.


Tobias
Yes, get Pirelli’s!
Use a bottle of it!
Ladies seem to love it-


Mrs. Lovett
Flies do, too!